One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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