My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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