The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is my gift to your gina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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