You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
