Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
