just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
