It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
