My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
