just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
