new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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