the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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