im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize