i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
