Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize