so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
