We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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