i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
