o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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