No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
