youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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