I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
