Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
