I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
