Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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