so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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