get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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