I think my fart just growled at me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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