She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
