I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
