Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
