Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My ass is underappreciated
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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