I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
