I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
