My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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