Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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