Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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