I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
