i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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