you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
