i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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