What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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