it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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