Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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