WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
