where am i from again
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
