You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
