in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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