sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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