@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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