its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
