My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
