So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
