You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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