when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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