It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
