You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
