Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my poor anus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
