She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
