too bad you live with your parents still
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
