Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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