i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please don't give away my fajitas
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
