I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
