shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
