im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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