my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
