Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
