My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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