Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
