I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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